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TELEPHONE COMMON SENSE
If you are receiving threatening or harassing phone calls there are a few simple measures you can take. Obviously the most effective action is to change your phone number. If you are not prepared to do that just yet, then let me give you a few ideas to try first.
If the harassment is occurring on a cell phone, then you will find there are more options. Cell phones are more technologically advanced and providers generally offer more services than the traditional house phone. Not all the ideas I present are available on house phones, and different cell phone providers offer more or less services than others. I will present my ideas and if you like one then call your provider and see if it's available to you.
1. Tell your friends about your harasser and they will understand when you
don't answer your phone. Telling your friends also alerts them not to give
information accidentally to your harasser who may also be one of their friends. Plus, they will be on the lookout and may be able to warn you if your harasser is trying to learn information about you.
2.Get caller ID. The surest way to know whether you want to take a call is if you know who it is before you answer.
3. Don't answer calls from your harasser or from blocked or unknown callers. Let them leave a message and if it's someone you want to talk to, you can call them right back. If you've already told your friends about your harasser they will understand.
4. Save all messages from your harasser until you talk to the police. Even messages that are not threatening enough to charge him with threats or harassment may be useful in building a stalking case if it continues.
5. Use the generic voicemail prompt. When your stalker calls and hears your voice telling him to leave a message, he knows he called your correct number and that you are going to hear his message. If he hears the automated voice saying something boring like, "The subscriber is unavailable, please leave a message," he will wonder if he dialed wrong or if you changed your phone number. Calling ten times and hearing the automated voice will not give him the same satisfaction as hearing your voice.
6. Set your voicemail so that it only allows 30 second messages. Stalkers love to leave long, disgusting messages. They don't like to be hung-up on just when they are warming up.
7. On my personal house phone I have an answering machine that doesn't accept messages from blocked, private, or unknown callers. Check for one at an electronics store.
8. Most cell phone providers can set your service so it does not accept blocked, private, or unknown callers. My work phone is set as a blocked number, for some reason people wont always answer when they see that the police are calling! When I call people I often get the message: "The subscriber does not accept calls from blocked numbers, hang up and unblock your number then call again."
9. Some providers can set your service so it wont accept calls from a certain number. That's very helpful if your stalker always calls from the same number. Your phone simply never rings when he calls from that number.
10. Most providers set a limit on how many messages your voicemail will hold. If you don't delete messages and let it fill up, he can't leave any more messages.
11. Turn your ringer off when you go to bed. The majority of harassing calls occur at night when the stalker has gotten intoxicated. If you don't like getting awakened at 2:00 in the morning, just turn it off. This is very difficult for some people because they are worried that they will miss an urgent call. Well, how often do you get urgent calls in the middle of the night? Your peace-of-mind may require that you take a chance that your friends worlds wont fall apart for a few weeks while you get some sleep at night and your stalker gets discouraged.
12. One of my partners came up with a brilliant idea. Most cell phone providers will let you add another line to your service at a very cheap rate. He tells people to get a second line and only give that number to your most trusted friends and family. Then let the original phone number that your stalker has fill up with voicemails and simply never check them. Your friends can leave messages on your new line. If you and your stalker have friends in common, only call them from the old phone. This will prevent him from getting your new phone number by checking the caller ID on a friends phone that they left unattended.
13. If none of these tactics work, you may have to change your phone number. I always tell people that when they decide to change their number, they should change their provider as well. If your ex has all your vital information, he can call your provider and get your new number by knowing the answer to the control questions, such as mother's maiden name, place of birth, etc. If you change to a new provider, he may keep bugging your old provider thinking they just wont give it to him, or at least he will have to call all the different providers looking for you.
14. If you have a close family member that you trust and that trusts you, ask if they will add another line to their service which you will pay for. Then when your stalker is trying to find your new number he will keep hitting dead-ends because it's not under your name.
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